The World Is Not Waiting For You

The world is not waiting for me while I take a sacred pause.

I consider these 10 days of isolation (Covid-19 Home Recovery Programme) a sacred pause. This sacred pause filled with a myriad of emotions and experiences—rawness, confrontations, guilt, loneliness, heaviness, warmth, joy, shedding, freedom, and love. 

The emotional guilt and fear of affecting or troubling people were evident, especially in the early days of this journey. My business might have been affected, and plans are now delayed. I’m not sure how much the things that we don’t know or are told about will affect our judgement. Is the virus dividing us or bringing us together to question the real issues on hand? But hey, I’ll leave those worries behind for now. The world is not waiting for me.

I may have been unwillingly dragged into this sacred pause, but it couldn’t have come at a better time. Divine time.

The concept of time brought meaning to this sacred pause. 

Time robbed away from me. I hadn’t realised how much I had been acting busy in the past. While my daily tasks bring significant meaning to my work, I haven’t allowed my monkey mind to take a pause and offer a moment of deep self-reflection. This brings me to my next point. 

Time offered to slow down. 240 hours felt really long, especially when most activities that I used to enjoy were inaccessible now. Some days, a minute felt like five. The choice for entertainment was seemingly limited and restricted at first. Then, the exploration phase slowly began, and I laughed at myself for my needless worry. When I deleted Instagram from my phone, I began to notice the habitual tendency to reach out for the app whenever I’m bored or insecure. I’ve over-relied on Instagram in situations when I felt I needed an outlet to be invisible or look busy. Unknowingly, the game started playing me. 

Time to move inwards. The moments alone were left to question my intentions, shortcomings, and self-limiting beliefs. I met myself and held myself however I am. I learn to embody the meaning of this phrase, “Feel into your body.” Every new day invites a different experience. Sometimes my body needed rest. So we did loads of restorative poses and sleep. Sometimes we needed to play. Let loose, and just dance to random tunes like no one’s watching. Really, no one could watch even if they tried. While I had a schedule written up in my notebook, I chose to follow my intuition (and did not give myself a lecture on how I’ve failed to follow my own rules) and did what felt right. I was present at every moment — good and bad — as I hold and honour this experience.

Time away from civilization. Yes, I missed social interaction, like actual skin-to-skin contact, feeling the energy within a crowd, and seeing faces lit up with expressions. I miss those real-time connections and a sense of community. If I hadn’t been chatting over the phone with my husband, I’d probably not have spoken a single word the entire day. So I have him to thank for being my carer, informant, and my pillar of emotional and social support. 

Time: 12:00PM on the 20th of November. The day of my release.

It is pretty magical to know that this sacred pause will finally come to an end. Or rather, I think I know when this will end. But, will it actually end when the supposed end is here? I’ll tell you another time.